I’m going to have to ask the neighbor across the street to lend me a pipe-cutting tool, if he has one, to reduce the ten-foot pipe I bought to six feet so I can convert it into a flagpole to match the ones I have for my other flags. I hate having to constantly run across the way to borrow tools, when I know I have them in the garage, and am just unable to lay hands on them because of how ill-ordered the garage is.
I will also need the loan of a drill to make holes
for the screws to attach the flag to the pipe, if I can’t find the drill – I
think I can manage the drill. I’ll need a circular saw to shorten the post for
the little library box.
I may go to a tool rental place for one or more of
those, just to spare the embarrassment.
My shame is increased because I can’t hold onto his
name – he has told me more than once, but it slips out of my memory. That’s bad
of me.
Well, such is life.
I want to get these things done, though. I want to
get the flag on the pole so I can fly it. I paid good money to have a flag of
my own design, and I think it looks great, and I want to put it in rotation
with the others. I want to have the library box out there so people will take
the books.
But then, I want a lot of things.
I want to post each of the things I write for the
group to my blog, but I keep failing to do that. I want to finish the
Frankenstein book and get it on the market and I keep not doing that. I want to
begin in earnest on An American Victory,
but I pledged myself to not do that until I had the Frankenstein book out, and
so on.
I want these things. Honest, I do. I just . . . am
not doing them.
Why am I not doing them? What do I need to do to get
them done? What am I lacking? I really feel as though I lack something, that I
have lost something – if I ever had it.
What is missing?
In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.
When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body's been.
We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.
The Magic Eight-Ball says: "Begin as you mean to go on."
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